i just talked to ahlam. he called me ytd. somehow when i miss him he'll call me. hahaha. wei, telepathic leh! LoL~ i love and miss him so much! feel like giving him a great big hug now! but hes busy working now. we cant meet up. seems like when im free hes busy, when hes free im busy. arh. sucks man. haha suddenly rem e day when tarng and i stayed over in his hse to watch soccer. hahaha drinking coke and eating chips while watching spain vs some team which i cant rem le. hahahaha. it was hell lots of fun. drinking eating watching soccer and making hell lots of noise. *oops* hahaha talking cok aft tt thru e night while 3 of us crammed in ahlam's rm. haha of cuz urs truly was e princess of e night. i got the "bed" while e 2 of em got the floor. well w mattresses of cuz. hahahaha! and by e time we got up we were in time for tea break. hoho. somehow i just trusted them. hahaha. guess its the innocence back then that helped to build e trust in frenships that allows it to stay strong and firm. thanks ahlam. for everything. frm small to big. big to small. u nv failed me. u always make me happy when skies are grey. u noe i love u hell alot =) haha ahlam Wan Sui~*
christmas in 2days time. i cant go out under doc's orders. my lungs are fine! HOORAY!! i dun haf pneumonia. haha so i dun hafta b admitted into hosp. wooohooo. but i've severe nose infection. hahaha it blocks my ears too. nvm. no nid stay in hosp can le. i must get well. i must. nxt wk got alot of ppl to meet up w b4 sch starts. i must make full use of it. i must rest well. get well lydia. get well. thanks lup for everything. yeahh. sorry if i made u worried. haha is just tt i really thot i was gonna die. w all e chest pains and breathlessness. haha. i tink im becoming psychotic. hahaha. but yah u noe y i thank u for too =) haha LUP forever! meet up meet up!
yah so i thot i was gonna die last night. i had periods of breathlessness and chest pains. haha alot of memories started coming back. really like those ppl in dramas. when dey gonna die dey suddenly rem alot of things. hoho. kept coughing. cant seem to stop and it really disrupts my sleep. can cough until choke. ARH. holidays always sick. haha my sis may b right. i cant slack. when i slack i fall sick. haha sad life. ROARS. hahaha. anyway for those i've inconvenienced for e past few weeks im truly sorry and grateful for all the patience and everything! yupp. i've yet to watch navity story w tong. shit man. all thanks to this lousy shit sickness. and i can SPREAD e germs. so ppl shld avoid contact w me!! hahaha..
i just found out sth. perhaps it'd haf been better if i din noe abt it. i will get well. i must get well. i must get on w my life. i must put everything behind me. i must not let it affect me. not anymore. i said i'll wait. i kept waiting. w no aim, nothing. i kept thinking shld i wait or just let go. i din noe what to do. people can only comment. they can only advise. but how much i listen to them is my own discretion. i nv wanted to give up. i wanted to salvage it so badly that i noe i can only remain quiet to let things slowly regain normality. i noe once i type all these out. theres no turning back. i noe. i dunno if u still read my blog. but anyway its my blog. i can say whatever i like. i noe i shld just let nature takes its course. i noe i shldnt take things into my own hands. i noe its not possible to go back to the past. i noe its gonna hurt to b strangers. i really tried my best. for e past few weeks i just kept making myself happier by every single way. method. anything u name it. u say dun tok. i oso nv tok. i dunno how things can change within a day and it just deteoriates (i cant spell) frm there. do u noe e misery i felt within me.
do u noe how much it hurts to put up a strong front.
do u noe how much it hurts when i go back to hall.
do u noe how much it hurts whenever i walk past ur rm even tho i dun really want to.
do u noe how much it hurts when i hear what ppl said abt me to u.
do u noe how much it hurts when i tink of the past.
do u noe how much it hurts when i haf to say im okay when im not.
do u noe how much it hurts when i hafta agree when u say we shldnt talk.
do u noe how much it hurts when i cant cry out loud.
do u noe how much it hurts when ppl tell me things abt u without knowing that we are no longer frenz.
do u noe how much it hurts when ppl tell me i'm at fault when im trying to put things right.
do u noe how much it hurts when i noe i must let go.
do u noe how much it hurts when i noe this is going nowhere.
do u noe how much it hurts when i type all these noeing that it will just ruin all these weeks of silence. it'll just end everything.
do u noe how much it hurts when you told me i made u miserable since june.
do u noe how much it hurts when you said im childish.
do u noe how much it hurts when you told me you cant bear to let go of it.
do u noe how much it hurts when you said you cant seem to talk to me anymore.
do u noe how much it hurts when you said we haf different opinions.
do u noe how much it hurts when you said im no longer cheerful and jovial.
do u noe how much it hurts when you said i changed.
do u noe how much it hurts when you said u may nv come back.
do u noe how much it hurts when i realised u block me on msn
do u noe how much it hurts when i saw old smses frm u when my phone was still not spoilt.
do u noe how much it hurts when i remember the past.
do u noe how much it hurts when everybody else wished me luck for bash except you.
do u noe how much it hurts when i won ms popular and u werent even there to share my joy.
do u noe how much it hurts when i noe i cant set things right anymore.
do u noe how much it hurts when i remembered how u accompanied me when i cudnt slp.
do u noe how much it hurts when i kept the umbrella u gave me away bcuz u once said no matter wad u'll keep me warm and dry.
do u noe how much it hurts when i hafta break promises i made to u to try salvage everything.
do u noe how much it hurts when im feeling tired and drained when i noe i must keep going on.
do u noe how much it hurts when i noe i cant walk on this path anymore. not alone. i cant le.
do u noe how much it hurts when i try my best yet u just not bother.
do u noe how much it hurts for the past few weeks.
do u noe how much it hurts when i cudnt join in e singing of "happy bday" for you.
do u noe how much it hurts when ppl just tell me to let go.
do u noe how much it hurts when my phone spoilt cuz i noe i wun haf any more past to look back upon anymore.
do u noe how much it hurts when i noe i've lost you.
do u noe how much it hurts when i noe i've lost you completely aft this entry.
do u noe how much it hurts me? do u?
i noe u cant take it anymore. how i wish it was a nightmare. how i wish i can wake up frm it. how i wish it never happened. but i noe things happened for a reason. i dun hafta noe e reason now. even when i won ms popular i wasnt happy bcuz u werent there to share it w me. i was willing to trade that in for you to come back. i noe u won't anymore. we are walking in different paths le. paths that will nv cross anymore. just further and further away. you need space. you need your own life. you can have it all since you felt that i was restraining you from it. you can be happier w/o me. i noe you can. i noe i shld stop expecting a conclusion from you bcuz ultimately it'll just drag everything and make us both unhappy. i see e death of our frenship but i cant stop it frm happening anymore. perhaps e medicine is making me speaking incoherently but i cant suppress it within me any longer. i'm sorry.
